I had a realisation this week, that my body takes a bit longer to integrate the shifts of the Earth and the Self than the rest of me does. Of course, You might think "well, duh Hollie!" but somehow I missed that. I've been expecting my body to keep up with my million mile mind and Soul. Suddenly, I feel as though it's ok, and it's not that I've been doing anything wrong, but I just haven't given the changes enough time. I'm learning that Rest is an ok part of the process of moving forward. It's a hard lesson, but I'm getting there. I write this piece, because maybe it will support some one else (particularly You fast moving, driven Indigos that need a reminder too) to give the Body time to integrate what the Self already knows...
My body is a Space Ship. I have often felt like I don't fit in here properly. As though we were made seperately and I'm still trying to work out the controls.
She has grown. I have grown. She has changed. I have changed. But not always have our journeys been the same. She has snuck in surprises when I least expected them. In the times I remember, there are more when I felt that She let me down, than when I have celebrated Her.
Of course, many times She has been the support. I could not have gotten here without Her. But I've taken Her for granted, and expected Her to keep up with the Self, even when the Self was on Her own tangent of change. And even when Self thought I wanted something, Body has been there to make sure things have turned out in Divine Order. Babies, houses, food... all this has been driven by Body. Self has only had part of the say.
My body, this Space Ship, and I have been ill to the edge of death, in hospital, with white coats around like an episode of House. Was it me who was sick, or Her? All I know is that She showed me then, that no one else has the words for why my body does what She wants, and that, always, not just sometimes, but always, I must travel deep inside to See what's going on. No one can do it for Me.
When I think I've worked out how She works, and how to drive Her : when I take my vitamins and do my exercise and eat my veges and sleep well : still She has a surprise for me. And then I prove to my Self again, that we don't understand each other. Something is not right. I failed maintenance 101 for Space Ships. Or this Ship at least.
In the past when I've been in dis-ease with colds or injuries, my Self has believed She did something wrong. That She has not interacted with Body accordingly. That She the Body is unhappy with the current situation. But Self, You had it all confused! You weren't doing anything wrong! You were just too damn excited and hurried about moving forward with the process. Body just needs some time to catch up!
It's more difficult to integrate high frequencies of energy when You are a dense mass like Body. How on earth can Body be expected to keep up with Self? Self is out there. Self is growth and change at a Light level. Body is growing muscle and cell and changing shape. But the two are not necessarily aligned.
Now I have a new perspective, between Body and Self. It is not that I dropped the optimal Body manual when times of rest are created. It is not that I am doing anything wrong. To fully undergo the Shape Shifting process, in Higher Frequencies of Light and Real World Being, my Space Ship needs to create some spare parts. It takes time. So if Self is rushing ahead, Body will call out 'hey, slow down and wait for me to catch up' and if Self doesn't listen, Body will throw some screws loose, drop a rocket or leak some fuel, and everything will have to stop. Only then, as Body has learnt, will Self listen, and give Body time for the integration She needs to continue.
Because I know that these Space Ships we're given; you can't buy effective spare parts. Certainly you can replace them, but eventually they'll frag out worse than the first set. Instead, it's about generating physical change slowly, in a cell by cell process, that is more than a physical process. It takes thoughts and release valves and emotional change. It takes a keen connection with our Space Ship.
I still believe that my Self and this Body were made separately. That in a yard full of shiny new Space Ships I chose Her, cos She obviously ticked all the boxes for the kind of vessel I needed for this Earth trip, this time. Now, suddenly I realise, I'm doing everything right for our process together. We are travelling well. We have it worked out.
I'm just going to keep it at a pace that we both can understand.